4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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