Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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