Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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