I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
