Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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