I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
