When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
