im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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