just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Bring me that man meat
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
