we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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