she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
