Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize