If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My ass is underappreciated
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
