Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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