Its about making memories worth repressing
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
