Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
