I am midnight drunk by noon
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
