I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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