the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
