Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
