I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
