yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize