i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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