I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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