i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
