whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
there is glitter all over my balls
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
