first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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