the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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