I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
