I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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