the condom got lost in my hair
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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