So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
They took my balls.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
