Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
