I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
no. you can't hotbox the world.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
