The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
