well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
babies were throwing up all over the place
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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