imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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