My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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