Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize