I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
