Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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