she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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