everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
This is the high leading the old right now
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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