Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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