dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
