Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
