the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
