she kept yelling 'call me bella'
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
