Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
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