I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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