Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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