based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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