The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
