Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
