I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
