Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
