my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
