at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
