I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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