Your tits are I can't wait for
I think I died a long time ago.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
