We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
do nipples grow back?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize