I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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