i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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