we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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