i barfeds in our rink
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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