So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
