apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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