he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
So much rum. So many feels.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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