I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
there is glitter all over my balls
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
