Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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